My Very Own Pumpkin Juice
by rent-serenity
Summary: The whole school is in an uproar when some bizarre things start to happen. Snape in a dress. Hermione acting out. Draco selfdestructing. Guardians. Pumpkin Juice. Table Dancing. BackStabbing. Snogging and Flirting of Plenty. Comedy. DMxGW, HrxBoys, SSxSS.
1. Juice, Heels and Letters

**Warning**: Mentions of cutting, sex, cross-dressing, and sort of slash concerning Snape's character, don't like it, don't read it.

**Ships**: Hr/DT, Hr/BZ, Hr/SF, Hr/NL, Hr/DM, Hr/RW, Hr/FW. SS/SS (more specifically: Crossdressing!Snape/Potionsmaster!Snape). DM/GW, DM/PP. RW/LB.

**Summary**: The whole school is in an uproar when some bizarre things start to happen. Snape has been seen prancing around...in a dress. Hermione's started to act quite unlike herself, and Draco Malfoy is having a nervous breakdown. DM/GW, Hr/Boys, SS/SS

**Era**: 5th year, unrelated to the events of OOTP. Also, I decided to make Lavender like Ron earlier then 6th year.

**Genre**: Humor/Angst

**Rated**: T

**Author's Message:**

This is for a Challenge by **_TheColdestTouch _**on FA; it is a Make-Your-Own-Challenge.

My challenge:

3) Snape marries. (Choose anyone you'd like, but it is highly important that Neville faints when he finds this out - fearing the worst, of course).

6) Snape is a cross dresser and wanders through the halls in magenta robes, singing.

9) Draco is manic-depressive and has begun cutting himself.

14) Hermione has become the school's... er, well let's not go there. Let's say she gets around. She must wear hosiery and lots of makeup.

19) Someone spiked the pumpkin juice. Madness and table dancing ensues.

I picked these numbers at random to see what I'd get, and decided I liked the outcome, so here it is. It's supposed to be humorous, I hope you enjoy it.

Also, I'm looking for a Beta for this story, let me know if you're interested.

**Chapter One:**

The trio made their way through the castle, heading for breakfast. They had just gotten back from the Thanksgiving vacation and were quite happy to be back at school. Hermione and Ron had been bickering more then usual, which to Harry, meant that the two were coming close to finally figuring out their true feelings for one another.

They heard someone's high-heeled shoes clicking and echoing against the walls as they walked, and they looked curiously around the corner to see who it could be – no one wore high heels around the castle, it just wasn't done.

"_Every time you look at me, my heart is jumping, it's easy to see,_" a man's voice was singing, an oddly recognizable voice.

Ron and Harry exchanged confused looks, both thinking the same thing...But there was no way, was there?

The voice died away and so did the footsteps.

"No way," Ron sputtered out.

"Was that...?" Harry started to ask.

"Snape?" Hermione continued, her voice filled with bafflement.

The three stared down the empty corridor, hoping the person would come back, but they did not.

"It couldn't have been," Ron said slowly. "That's far too revolting, even for him."

Hermione furrowed her brow. "Well, let's get to breakfast, I'm starving."

"Right," Ron nodded, giving one last weary glance down the hall.

The three entered the Great Hall, and sat themselves at the Gryffindor table, Ron looked over to the staff table.

"It wasn't him," Ron said, nodding to the furious looking Snape.

"That's a relief," Harry muttered. "Snape in heels and singing? Now that's just bloody weird."

Lavender Brown sidled in next to Hermione across from Harry and Ron.

"Morning, Ron," Lavender said, flashing him a glowing smile.

Ron looked nauseous. "Oh, morning," he said weakly.

"Morning, Hermione," Lavender said, giving a much less flattering smile to her.

"Hello," Hermione said, grabbing a piece of toast.

"How was your vacation?" Lavender said, mainly to Ron.

"Oh, it was erm..." Ron seemed to be flustered by the amount of attention he was receiving. "It was fine."

Hermione shot him an angry look. "Fine? We fought the whole entire time? How is that _fine?_"

Ron looked away and mumbled something incoherent under his breath.

Lavender grabbed a goblet of pumpkin juice and took a sip. "You should have visited me, I did absolutely nothing, it was so boring."

"Oh well, erm," Ron muttered.

Lavender smiled brightly and began to stand up, placing the goblet down. "I better go talk to Parvati; I'll see you around, Ron."

Lavender took off and Ron stared in awe after her.

"Oh, please," Hermione hissed under her breath.

Harry sighed and began to place some eggs onto his plate, as he did so Ginny Weasley sat down next to him.

"Morning," Ginny said.

"Hey, Ginny," Harry said.

"What's wrong Hermione?" Ginny asked, noticing her angry look directed at Ron.

"Nothing," Hermione quickly muttered. "Nothing at all." She took up her goblet of pumpkin juice and took a large gulp.

"What did you do, Ron?" Ginny asked, rolling her eyes at him.

"What?" Ron said outraged. "I didn't do anything!"

Ginny raised an eye, clearly not believing him.

"I said it was nothing," Hermione quickly said.

Ginny nodded, but like Harry, knew there was something wrong.

There was a _whooshing _sound as all the school owls came into the Great Hall. Malfoy's eagle flew over Hermione's head as it soared to Draco. Harry's face fell when he noticed that Draco wasn't looking like the smug adolescent he normally did when he got his morning mail, in fact, he was looking downright distraught. Ginny noticed this too.

"Why is everyone so upset today?" Ginny asked aloud.

"I told you it's nothing!" Hermione repeated, now an annoying pitch to her voice.

"I wasn't talking just about you, Malfoy looks like he's about to have a break down or something," Ginny said.

Ron looked over at Malfoy as well. "Serves him right! He's such a bloody arse; he deserves to be miserable for once."

Ginny rolled her eyes again, "You're such a prat Ron."

"Don't tell me you're sticking up for him?"

"No! I'm not at all, I'm just saying you can be a bit more compassionate, other people have feelings to you know," Ginny huffed.

"Not, Malfoy," Ron said, his eyes on his plate.

Ginny looked back up at Draco who was silently reading a letter, his eyes frozen in a look of fear and concern. Fred and George who were in the center of the Great Hall, made a loud _whopping _sound and half the eyes in the hall turned in distraction to see what they were doing.

Fred and George were standing in front of a boy who was turning many different colors.

"It works!" Harry heard Fred say.

McGonagall came rushing from the staff table and ordered the multicolored boy to the Hospital Wing, and ordered Fred and George to follow her. The two boys followed easily, not worried about the punishment for their actions.

When they had gone out of sight, the hall settled down again and Harry turned back to the food laid out before him. There was a violent chattering of teeth and Harry looked over at the source.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Harry asked.

Hermione looked as if she was going to pass out, her eyes were slightly dilated and her body shaking.

Ron and Ginny immediately looked towards her.

"Hermione?" Ron asked concerned.

"I-I'm f-f-fine," Hermione said through a chatter of teeth.

"You don't look so fine," Ginny said.

Hermione shook her head and she stopped shivering, and she looked well, normal again.

"No, I'm fine, I think I'm just getting over a cold from vacation."

The three watched her carefully.

"Oh no!" Hermione said rather loudly. "I forgot a book upstairs! I have to go get it."

Hermione quickly scrambled from her seat and rushed off.

"What in the world?" Ron muttered after her. "She's mental."

---

The Slytherin on his arm let go to reach out for another bite of ham.

"Draco, love," Pansy said, her eyes battering, mouth full. "Why so gloomy?"

"I'm fine," Draco answered, trying to smile, but failed.

She made a _humph_ sound, but said nothing more.

"Draco, look at this," came another girl's voice.

He turned to see a girl named Tara holding up a small golden snitch. She had always fancied him, and was staring at him with large black eyes. He felt his arm being encased again as Pansy looked over as well, looking disgusted.

"He doesn't care, Tara," Pansy hissed for him.

"I'm sure he can speak for himself," Tara growled at Pansy.

"It's fascinating," Draco mumbled, not caring.

Pansy pouted and Tara smirked. Draco knew he'd made a bad decision by answering, but he knew how to make it up. He smiled coyly.

"But not nearly as fascinating as my girl," Draco said, turning away from Tara and his eyes landing on Pansy.

Pansy smiled brightly and met him half-way into a kiss, her tongue eagerly pushing into his mouth.

"Get a room!" he heard his best friend, Blaise groan.

Draco pulled apart from Pansy and turned to him.

"You're just jealous," Draco said toyingly.

Blaise laughed and then quickly ducked as Draco's eagle flew over his head. His face fell as he saw his father's familiar scrawl on the envelope. This letter was not something that he wanted to read right now.

"Who's that from?" Pansy asked, as Draco untied the letter.

"My father," Draco replied.

He eyed the letter carefully, feeling sick. The words this letter contained could change his life forever.

"Well, read it," Pansy said eagerly.

"You can't read it," Draco said.

"Oh," Pansy said her voice like venom. "I see..."

Pansy let go of his arm and grumpily turned to her plate. He didn't care at the moment, his main concern was the letter. He slowly slid it open and began to read.

_Dear Draco,_

_After all our best intentions, it seems that we still have managed to fail. You are not the son that we have grown and raised. You should be ashamed of yourself. You have let us down, and you have angered the Dark Lord. Your fate is now in your own hands, Draco. _

_As we had told you before, if your attitude did not change, your situation would. We are now forced to do what we had promised you we would; we are no longer your family. You are not allowed back into our home, and the Dark Lord will decide how to handle your ill decisions. We are sorry to see you turn out this way, and are not at a loss to see you go. You are a Malfoy no more._

_Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy._

His life was ruined, destroyed in one instant. If he wasn't a Malfoy anymore, then who was he? He was just the weak little bastard that everyone thought him to be. He hated himself, he hated everyone around him.

There was nothing left for him...nothing but the girl that was currently mad at him. And she was always mad at him, what sort of deranged happiness was this? He hated himself for subjecting himself to her, for allowing himself to be frail and so hopeless.

He could only put on an act for so long. What would happen when everyone found out? He would be humiliated, haunted by his decision to try and save himself. And now, the Dark Lord was going to kill him, there was no way the Dark Lord would let him go without a punishment.

He fled from the table, not saying a word to Pansy or anyone. He was frightened of what he might say; terrified that he might actually fall apart around them.

_Fuck them_, his brain hissed. They wouldn't understand what he had gotten himself into. No one understood. No one could feel his pain, not even himself. He felt so bloody numb, nothing felt real.

His hand slammed into a stone wall as he entered the dungeons, he slammed it again and again, till his knuckles were bloody and he couldn't stand the pain any longer.

He stumbled away from the wall, and stared, it was stained with a few streaks of blood, his blood. He looked to his hand, and winced at the mess.

If he was capable of this, then why wasn't he capable of doing what the Dark Lord had asked?

_Why am I such a bloody coward? _

He angrily rushed into the Slytherin common room and snatched up his bag from the floor. His wounded knuckles brushed the fabric of his bag and he felt a shot of pain run through him. He held up his wand to cure his hand, but stopped before he could say the words. He instead flexed his knuckles, opening the wounds and more blood rushed out.

He watched the blood, and felt the pain as if entranced, as if that was all that mattered.

"Draco?" Pansy's voice was heard.

He quickly shoved his hand into his pocket and turned to face her.

"Why did you run off from breakfast?" Pansy asked concerned.

"I forgot something important," Draco lied.

Pansy watched him closely, and then nodded. "Well, come on, Potion's class."

Draco nodded and allowed her to take his good hand. She didn't need to know he had hurt himself, because she wouldn't understand, because she was part of the problem.

---

Hermione peered into a mirror, feeling disgusted with herself. She looked hideous, her brown frizzy hair everywhere, her plain brown eyes, her boring face. How would anyone notice her looking like this? She brought her hand to her face, and then turned to her wand.

She had never before felt the need to wear make-up, but today, she had the strongest urge to feel pretty. She muttered a spell, and a light layer of pink lipstick and black eyeliner lined her face appropriately, but it wasn't enough.

She sighed._ What has gotten into me?_

The spell was muttered again, and the eyeliner went on more thickly, along with blush and a tiny bit of mascara.

_Better, for now, _Hermione thought lightly. She wanted to make an impression on someone. She wanted someone to notice her, kiss her. Where this sudden urge came from, she had no idea.

The frizzy-haired Gryffindor ran a hand through her hair, deciding she needed to do something with it. She wanted it to be smooth, and silky, for someone to want to run their hands through it.

_Someone has to want me._

After her fourth year, she had learned a simpler charm to straighten her hair, and that is what she used now. Her hair flattened and fell neatly down to her lower back.

"Perfect." Hermione smiled.

She looked halfway decent, for a girl who wasn't particularly stand-outish. She left the bathroom and grabbed her bag.

Maybe Ron would notice her now, or maybe any boy would notice her now.

_When did I start to care so much?_

---

Ron and Harry started to head towards Potions without Hermione. She hadn't returned from retrieving the book she had forgotten, but they assumed she wouldn't be late for class. They made their way down towards the dungeons.

They heard a scamper of hurried feet coming from behind them, and Ron and Harry turned to see a girl in a fret to get to class on time. The girl, slowed when she reached them, and smiled. Her long brown hair and brown eyes seemed familiar, and she looked very pretty.

"Hey guys," the girl said.

Suddenly Ron and Harry's jaw dropped when they realized who she was.

"Whoa, Hermione?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"What?" Hermione said almost innocently.

"You look, amazing," Harry said.

"Thank you, Harry," Hermione smiled. "I just decided to try a few things."

"You're wearing make-up?" Ron asked. "You never wear make-up!"

"Is it a bad thing?" Hermione asked. "Because I just used the spell twice. Maybe I should have only used the spell once..."

Hermione still sounded like Hermione, bossy, know-it-all, and obsessive.

"It's...erm, fine," Ron said sheepishly.

Hermione flashed him a smile. "Maybe I should start doing it more often."

Harry and Ron exchanged looks, both thinking the same thing: What had gotten into her?

They saw Lavender Brown approaching them, and the look on her face was not a happy one.

""Wow, Hermione," Lavender said icily, nearly sneering, which was odd for the Gryffindor. "Don't you look pretty?"

Hermione didn't answer.

"Hey, Ron," Lavender smiled. "Want to be my partner today for potions?"

"I err, well," Ron said awkwardly. "Sure, I guess."

Hermione's face fell even more, and she narrowed her eyes.

There was a snap of a door down the dungeon corridor and the four turned just in time to see the someone in heels, their magenta dress disappearing into the Potions classroom before they could get a good look, the singsong voice carrying after the figure.

"_You drive me crazy, I just can't sleep. I'm so excited; I'm in too deep..."_

The voice died away again.

"Who is that?" Harry asked.

The four hurriedly went towards the classroom and opened the door, but when they entered, they heard Snape's office door closing, and saw Snape writing the ingredients for the potion they would be working on that day.

Snape turned to them furiously.

"You're all early," Snape hissed. "Five points from Gryffindor to the each of you."

They all growled in protest, but eyed each other suspiciously. Why did it matter if they were early? Was it because of the mysterious figure in heels? And who was that figure?

---

**A/N:**

R&R and tell me what you think, please no flames, I don't mind constructive criticism though. Also, if this seems very unrealistic, that's because it's a challenge, and will make more sense and I continue – there is a reason all these characters are acting so bizarre.

**Songs:**

"_You Drive Me Crazy_" By Brittany Spears.


	2. Coupling

**Warning**: Mentions of cutting, sex, cross-dressing, and sort of slash concerning Snape's character, don't like it, don't read it.

**Ships**: Hr/DT, Hr/BZ, Hr/SF, Hr/NL, Hr/DM, Hr/RW, Hr/FW. SS/SS (more specifically Crossdressing!Snape/Potionsmaster!Snape). DM/GW. RW/LB.

**Summary**: The whole school is in an uproar when some bizarre things start to happen. Snape has been seen prancing around...in a dress. Hermione's started to act quite unlike herself, and Draco Malfoy is having a nervous breakdown. DM/GW, Hr/Boys, SS/SS

**Era**: 5th year, unrelated to the events of OOTP. Also, I decided to make Lavender like Ron earlier then 6th year.

**Genre**: Humor/Angst

**Rated**: T

**Author's Message:**

This is for a Challenge by **_TheColdestTouch _**on FA.

Special thanks to my Beta Kindali Sidera. And Thank you everyone who read, and thank you to the lovely people who reviewed:

**Meh-** Thank you.

**Aweirdoperson** – Lol, read and find out. Thank you for reviewing my other story as well, I will be working on more D/G stories when I finish the stories I'm currently working on.

**SlytherinEssence** – Okay, I shall.

**Kindali Sidera** – Thank you for your help! I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter Two**

The Potions dark classroom was lit up for a few seconds by a backfiring of Neville's cauldron, and Seamus Finnigan who was working with him let out a loud cry of pain as the potion slopped onto his front robes.

"You alright there?" Dean called to his friend. Dean was working with Hermione and she was covering her mouth behind her hand, apparently in laughter.

"Finnigan! Longbottom!" Snape's angry voice was heard above the commotion. "What do you two think you're doing? Ten points from Gryffindor for not following the instructions. Finnigan, clean yourself up before you break into boils."

Seamus hurriedly started to clean himself off.

"Neville, you're going to be the death of us all," Dean said in a joking manner.

Hermione let out a giggle, a giggle they had never heard from her until today.

Harry, Parvati, Ron and Lavender shot her yet another confused and intrigued glance for the now countless time that Potion's class. Hermione's flirtatious giggle and coy touching of Dean Thomas' arm was very odd to see.

Harry and Ron glanced at each other worriedly. Since when had Hermione hit on Dean, let alone any guy? Dean flushed slightly and Ron shot him a look.

"What is she playing at?" Ron growled.

Harry raised an eye and noticed Lavender's upset face.

"Ron, here, let me do that," she said, taking the bottle of spider eyes from his hands, being sure to touch her hands on his.

"Sure," Ron said, blushing as well.

Lavender smiled sweetly at him as she poured a few eyes into the potion.

The potions class continued and Hermione and Dean continued to flirt, causing even Snape to glance at them with a loathing glare.

The students started to clean up and Snape went around, surveying each of their potions. "Good job Mr. Malfoy, five points to Slytherin." He moved to Ron's and Lavender's potion. "This is far too thick, you should have added less Spider eyes." Lavender's face fell, and she looked embarrassed. "Mr. Thomas, let go of Ms. Granger's hand! This is a place of learning!"

Every student fell silent and their eyes turned to Hermione and Dean, who were trying to look discrete and failing miserably.

"Sorry, Professor," Hermione muttered under her breath.

"Holding hands?" the whispers started.

Hermione looked down, but a tiny smile was playing on her lips.

Dean then leaned up to her ear and whispered something. Ron was watching them incredulously, getting redder with anger by the second.

Hermione's voice was normal, and she glanced at Ron as she said, "Dean."

"Yeah?" he said, trying to stop himself from blushing.

"I'd love to have lunch with you," she said, then turned away from Ron, smiling brightly.

Lavender made a _'pssh' _noise and rubbed Ron's shoulder.

"Don't worry about her," Lavender whispered. "She's just trying to make you jealous."

Ron turned to her. "What do you mean, jealous? Why would I be jealous of her?!"

Lavender grinned mischievously. "Exactly. Come on, let's get cleaned up."

---

Over the next few mornings Dean Thomas and Hermione Granger were the talk of the school.

"She's wearing make-up," whispered one Hufflepuff.

"She looks awfully pretty," whispered a Ravenclaw.

"No wonder he's dating her, they're such a cute couple. I've never seen her act like that before," whispered a Gryffindor.

"They're disgusting!" Ron groaned loudly at the table. "They're making out around every corner! Haven't they ever heard of decency?"

"Ron, she clearly likes him is all," Ginny grumbled, annoyed at her brother.

"But look at how much make-up she's wearing! It's like she's trying to show off or something," Ron said.

"She wears as much as I do," Ginny countered.

"Well, you both are wearing _way_ too much! I forbid you from wearing so much!" Ron said.

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"Oh, Ronnie," Lavender said, placing her arms around his neck. "Leave them alone. She doesn't deserve you."

Ron went quiet, thankful for her distraction. "You think?"

"I know," she said sweetly.

Harry and Ginny exchanged looks and rolled their eyes; Ron was so mixed up with what he wanted.

They began to pack up, and head to their first classes of the day.

---

It was the middle of the afternoon and Potions had just gotten out.

Draco bolted from the class alone. Pansy had to speak with the Potion's Master, and he didn't want to stick around for a half-hour to listen to her try to coax a few extra credit points out of him. He headed to the Great Hall for lunch, and as he rounded a corner he ran into a moving person, _smack!_

He stumbled to the ground, dropping his belongings with the person who he had bumped into.

"Bloody hell!" He rubbed his forehead. "Watch where you're going...Weaselette!" He saw the red-headed Weasley girl holding her hand to her forehead.

"Ouch!" she cried. "That really hurt, damn you Malfoy, why didn't you watch where_ you_ were going?"

Draco stood up, glaring at her. "You ran into me!"

"I did not!" The girl stood up as well, glaring at him furiously. "You ran into me!"

He rolled his eyes, and bent down to pick up his things.

"Oh my God! What did _that_ to your hand?" her cry rang out.

He threw her a menacing look. "Shut up! It's none of your fucking business."

He scooped up his books, and kicked hers out of the way.

"But Malfoy-" Ginny said, her concern was breaking through her hatred.

"Drop it now, Weaselette! And you tell anyone, I'll personally kill you." Draco took off, leaving the perturbed Weasley behind.

Ginny turned back to her books, and picked them up.

"Weasley," came a female's voice.

She turned to see Pansy coming down the hall, an odd look in her eye.

_Damn Slytherin's, why can't they just leave me alone?_

"Yes?" Ginny asked in disdain.

"What were you talking to my Draco about?"

"Nothing," Ginny said. "He bumped into me. Why? Afraid your boyfriend has got the hots for me?"

Pansy growled, "Not at all! I was just wondering what amazing insults he threw at you today. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Pansy moved passed her with her nose high in the air as if she was one of the most important creatures on this earth. Ginny groaned and rolled her eyes.

_Trouble in paradise I assume. _

---

The Great Hall was not where Draco headed; he instead made his way down to the Slytherin common room, where he stormed his way down a flight of stairs and into his dormitory. The room was silent and empty because his roommates were at lunch.

_Fucking Weasley needs to keep her nose out of MY business!_

He ran a hand through his blonde hair as he reached into his trunk.

_Where is it? Aha, here it is._

He pulled out a short silver dagger engraved with his family crest.

"Want to feel pain?" he asked aloud, not sure who he was addressing. It could have been anyone: his parents, the Weasley, the Dark Lord or even Pansy. "I can't feel it any more thanks to you."

He ran the knife's edge in a vertical line down his forearm. He gritted his teeth and watched the blood spill out in one solid line. He struck his skin again, in a shallow cut near his wrist. His eyes closed for a moment, dizzy and nauseated.

He was shaking now as he took up the knife to cut again. His stomach let out a low rumble; he hadn't eaten in over two days.

_You're stronger then this_. He told his shaking hand. _Get a grip; embrace the pain._

The cut on his arm was deeper this time, and he nearly cried out.

_Fuck_! He bit his lower lip and brought the knife into the bathroom, running it under the water. The water filled with the rustic color of blood, and then faded to clear again.

_If this is the only way to feel again, then it isn't so bad_, he told himself. Maybe he wouldn't have to try and feel for much longer...Then his thoughts went to Pansy, and any thought of suicide drifted away. He may not love the Slytherin, but she was something to live for in some strange deranged way. Hate could keep him going.

---

Lavender Brown sat herself across from the new couple Hermione and Dean. Hermione smiled brightly, nothing could bring her down right now, not even the rude Gryffindor who kept throwing insults at her.

"Hello you two," Lavender said.

"Hello," Dean greeted.

"Hey, Lavender." Hermione smiled.

_I bet I look prettier then her,_ Hermione thought smugly. _Wait, what was that?_

Dean played with her hair as they sat, kissing her on the cheek occasionally. She liked this boyfriend thing; it was actually a lot of fun.

"Have you seen Ron anywhere?" Lavender asked.

"Yeah, he and Harry went up to the common room to get a Defense book, they have to finish their essays. I already finished mine; it's on the common protection spell in comparison to the other harder spells that wizards never use."

"Fascinating my love," Dean said amused, he clearly couldn't have cared what the essay was on. He kissed her forehead.

Hermione giggled, "You are too much." She smiled and reached for her goblet of pumpkin juice, but as she did so, she couldn't help but be a little bored of everything. She just wasn't being exciting enough yet. She needed something more. She took a sip of her drink.

"Well, when they get back, tell Ron I said hi," Lavender stood up and pranced away, or that's how it looked in Hermione's opinion.

_I ought to do something with my clothes, _Hermione thought. _They're just so plain and boring. _

"Are the potatoes any good?" she asked Dean who was pouring a load onto his plate.

"Yes," he smiled. "Want some?"

He poked his fork into one, and she nodded gleefully. She opened her mouth and took the food gratefully.

"Delicious," she said. But all the while, her mind was on her outfits, trying to think what she could possibly do with them.

_I've gone mad! _She told herself. Dean fed her another potato, watching her closely as if she were wonderful to watch. _And it's kind of fun._

---

Ron and Harry were heading back from the Gryffindor common room looking forward to lunch. Both had Defense books under their arms and parchment in their hands.

"I wonder if Hermione will help us out on these," Harry said, looking at his nearly blank piece of parchment.

"Doubt it," Ron said sourly. "She's too busy making out with _Dean_."

Harry stifled an amused laugh at Ron's jealousy. "Well, I'm sure she'll help us, she hates to see us fail."

They got quiet as they heard a sing-song voice coming from an empty potion storage room ahead of them. The sound slowly became louder as they got closer.

"_...What can I do, to make you mine. Falling so hard so fast this time. What did I say, what did you do? How did I fall in love with you?"_

The two Gryffindor's exchanged looks and a silent communication of _'_We've got them now!_' _

"_I hear your voice and I start to tremble. Brings back the child that I resemble."_

Harry reached for the doorknob, and as he did so he felt a heavy breath on the back of his neck, and a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Snape looming down at him.

"Where do you two think you're going?" Snape growled.

"Um, we were just erm… I mean," Ron muttered.

But Harry was less thrown off from his least favorite teacher. "Who's singing in there, Professor?"

"Singing?" Snape growled. "I don't hear any singing."

"_I cannot pretend that we can still be friends. Don't want to be alone tonight."_ The voice that came through the door was undeniable, but still Snape stared at them as if he couldn't hear a thing.

"You can't hear that, sir?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you calling me a liar, Potter?" Snape growled.

"Either that or you're clearly deaf," Harry muttered almost incoherently under his breath.

"Five points from your house, Potter, for being an insufferable brat! Now get to lunch before I am forced to take more points!"

"But-"

"Come on, Harry," Ron said worriedly, as Snape looked like he was about to spew venom.

Harry turned away and the two walked off silently.

"What do you reckon that was about?" Ron asked. "Why does Snape keep stopping us from seeing that person?"

"I think he's having a love affair!" Harry declared. "That's got to be it."

"Not a student?"

"No, but definitely with a man," Harry grumbled disgusted. "Snape is revolting!"

Ron grimaced even more. "That's bloody disgusting! Ew! I can't get that image out of my head! Ew! Ew!"

"We don't even know what they look like," Harry said.

"I know, I'm just getting an image of Snape kissing someone like Filch or something! Ew! That's even more disgusting!"

"Ron, now I've got that image! Get it out!"

The two boys, revolted, headed to dinner, but had lost their appetites and were not looking forward to potions the next day.

---

But Potions that next day came, and Snape completely ignored them. They got into class early and Ron paired with Lavender.

"Harry, Seamus refuses to work with me again," came Neville's squeaky voice. "Can I be your partner for this potion?"

Harry thought for a moment and then shrugged. "Sure, Neville." He was likely to fail anyway, no matter who he was partnered with.

As the class filed in, it was Hermione that caught everyone's eye. Harry and Ron's mouth fell open and even Lavender went a little ridged with astonishment.

She had on a pair of black panty hoes underneath her almost to-short-for-school skirt. Her shirt was very low cut, revealing an unnecessary amount of cleavage and her eyes were outlined with a heavy amount of black eyeliner.

"My God!" shouted a Slytherin in bafflement. "The Mudblood actually looks sexy."

"Shut it!" growled the Slytherin's girlfriend.

"You look wonderful," Dean said, coming up behind her. "Ignore anything they have to say."

But Hermione didn't want to ignore it. The attention was on her, and she was loving every minute of it. Her eyes landed on Ron who was staring at her, his mouth wide. She smiled to herself, and took a hold of Dean's hand and they settled themselves by a cauldron.

"Ms. Granger, your attire is teetering on the inappropriate side," Snape said above the classroom muttering. "If you don't be more careful with how you dress, I might be forced to assign you detention."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you, Snape?" sniggered one of the Gryffindor's.

Snape's eyes flashed to them and he pursed his lips, but said nothing. Instead, he turned to the chalkboard and began to write the instructions for that day's potion.

Two Slytherin's at the far end of the room were distracting Harry greatly as he worked on his potion. They were arguing in soft voices and uttering obscenities to one another.

"Fuck you!"

Harry turned around to see who was making all this trouble when he realized it was Draco and Pansy. They looked furious, as if one of them was going to pull a sword out and stab the other.

"What's gotten into them?" Harry asked Neville, who only ignored him because he was too busy trying to get the right amount of snakes skin down.

---

"You were flirting with her!" Pansy hissed under her breath.

"Was not!" Draco growled, tossing in a handful of snakeskin into the boiling potion.

"And you haven't been eating," Pansy said.

"What does it matter to you?"

"I care about you!"

"Yeah right!"

"Draco! I don't want to do this with you, we always do this."

"Do what?"

"Fight!"

"We've never fought before, love," Draco said. "Not really."

"Well, I'm fed up with you!"

"What the fuck do you want me to say? I wasn't flirting with her! I'm not cheating on you. And I'm not having a mental break down."

"Oh please, Draco." Pansy rolled his eyes. "You're a bastard."

"Oh just say what you have to say and get on with it."

"I saw the way you looked at her, she wants you, and you want her more then you want me."

"I don't want Tara!"

"I wasn't talking about Tara! Oh my God! You want Tara, I knew it!"

"No, I don't! Who did you bloody think I was talking about?"

"I was talking about that fucking Weasley!"

"WHAT?" Draco bellowed. "You thought I liked HER? That bloody disgusting slum house of a girl?"

"Mr. Malfoy!" Snape bellowed. "Keep your voice down."

Draco's voice dropped, but he was still disgusted. "How could you think that?"

"I saw it in your eyes, Draco, you want anyone but me. You keep avoiding me. You're not eating. You keep lying to me!" Pansy said. "I think we should break up."

"But… what? Wait, no! You don't break up with me! I'm Draco-Bloody-Malfoy! You DO NOT break up with me, bitch." Draco was angry.

"Fuck you, Draco," Pansy said. "Get away from me."

Pansy moved to another table to work with Blaise and Millicent, leaving Draco all alone. He stared after her in complete disbelief. How could she have broken up with him? How? Why? What had he done? This wasn't allowed!

---

The rest of the class was awful. Snape was breathing down every Gryffindor's neck, taking points off for every little mistake.

"We're not going to have any bloody points left," Ron groaned, as they reached the end of the class.

Snape told them all to bottle their potions and bring it to his desk when they were done.

"Won-Won," Lavender pouted, as she poured their liquid into a vile. "Could you wait after class for me? I have something to talk to you about."

"Sure," Ron said, and he began to clean up their mess.

Hermione and Dean left first out of the class, having done the potion perfectly, leaving Snape nothing to criticize; that left him in a very bad mood for the rest of the students, who turned in their vials reluctantly.

"Dismal Potter, utterly dismal!" Snape said, and marked them down with the lowest grade possible.

Harry grumbled and he and Neville grabbed their stuff to leave.

"You coming, mate?" Harry asked Ron.

"I have to wait for Lavender, wait for me outside," Ron said.

"Okay," Harry said, and he and Neville went to the door to wait.

Lavender came back, smiling gleefully. "We got an okay grade," she told him.

"Oh good," he said, staring at her curiously.

"So, Ron," Lavender said after a pause. "I've been waiting for you to ask me out for a while...But I can't wait much longer. I'm a very impatient woman."

"Huh?" Ron said, and then it dawned on him. "You want me to ask you out?"

"Do you want to ask me out?" Lavender asked coyly.

"Oh, sure...erm I mean, would you like to go out?" Ron asked, stammering like mad, his ears turning pink.

"I'd love to!" Lavender squealed, taking his arm.

Ron blushed harder and Harry and Neville peered into the room.

"You coming, Ron?"

"Yeah, hold on," Ron said. "I have to get my things together."

Lavender let him go so that he could pack up; she signaled for Harry and Neville to join them.

"Guess what?" Lavender said as they came over.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Ron and I are going out!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, congratulations, mate," Harry said.

Ron looked up. "Oh, um, t-thanks."

They heard the door to Snape's office open, and they looked over to see Snape exiting it, and he had a hanger in his hand, and on that hanger was a sparkling magenta dress.

But that wasn't the worst of it: Snape wasn't in the dark robes he had been in a few moments earlier... no, he was in a sparking white dress, the neck of which swooped down his front in big waves. The dress was tight against his body, and took on his shape.

The four watched him in utter disbelief, but Snape didn't notice them as he picked up the vials from class and disappeared back into the office.

"No bloody way!" came Harry's appalled voice. "There's just no way!"

**Songs:**

"How Did I Fall In Love With You?" Backstreet Boys


	3. Significant Others

**Warning**: Mentions of cutting, sex, cross-dressing, and sort of slash concerning Snape's character, don't like it, don't read it.

**Ships**: Hr/DT, Hr/BZ, Hr/SF, Hr/NL, Hr/DM, Hr/RW, Hr/FW. SS/SS (more specifically Crossdressing!Snape/Potionsmaster!Snape). DM/GW. RW/LB.

**Summary**: The whole school is in an uproar when some bizarre things start to happen. Snape has been seen prancing around...in a dress. Hermione's started to act quite unlike herself, and Draco Malfoy is having a nervous breakdown. DM/GW, Hr/Boys, SS/SS

**Era**: 5th year, unrelated to the events of OOTP. Also, I decided to make Lavender like Ron earlier then 6th year.

**Genre**: Humor/Angst

**Rated**: T

**Author's Message:**

This is for a Challenge by **_TheColdestTouch _**on FA. Special thanks to my Beta Kindali Sidera. And Thank you everyone who read, and thank you to the lovely person who reviewed: **aweirdperson.**

**Chapter Three**

The Gryffindors piled out of Snape's office as quickly as they could, still not believing there eyes.

"W-w-what was t-t-ha...?" Neville trailed off in a stuttering voice.

"That was _Snape_ in a bloody _dress!_" Harry exclaimed. "I think I'm scarred for life!"

"No kidding," Ron said, he was a very pale shade of green.

Lavender was clutching her stomach, looking as appalled as the rest of them.

"I knew Snape was weird, but..." Lavender trailed off. "Dear Gods! I've never thought I would see..."

"Don't say it again," Ron grimaced.

"Too right," Harry agreed.

Neville nodded fiercely in agreement. They all made a silent vow to forget what they had just seen and never speak of it again.

"I don't think I can have lunch," Ron said.

"Me neither," Harry said. "Let's just go get some fresh air."

The four made their way to the Entrance Hall. Hermione, Dean and Seamus spotted them heading out and rushed to join them.

"Hey guys," Seamus said. "Why are you all skipping lunch?"

Neville grumbled something incoherent and the rest stayed silent.

"Alright..." Dean exchanged a look with his best friend.

"Well, we'll join you," Hermione said, her red lips smiling broadly. She hooked her arm around Dean's and the six exited the hall.

---

Hermione sat with her friends, feeling Seamus' and Ron's eyes on her. She glanced up at Dean who was caught up in conversation with Harry and she felt a twinge of annoyance shoot through her.

"The assignment wasn't as hard as I thought," Dean said.

"I just don't think I'd be any good at Arithmancy," Harry noted, shrugging.

"It's not too hard, right Hermione?" Lavender asked her, noticing her watching Ron.

"Oh, yeah, it's simple," Hermione said easily.

Lavender pursed her lips and clutched Ron's arm mimicking Hermione's actions with Dean.

_What a slut,_ Hermione thought. _She's all over him._

Hermione knew in the back of her mind that this comment was ridiculous, but she still narrowed her eyes.

"Dean?" Hermione pouted.

"Yeah?" Dean asked, turning full attention onto her.

"We have to do something special for you birthday alright." She smiled seductively.

Dean laughed, slightly embarrassed to get this attention around his friends, but he smiled. "Okay."

"My birthday is coming up," Seamus said fondly.

"How old will you be?" Hermione asked, taking particular interest, leaning down slightly.

Seamus' eyes dropped, and then forced them back to her face. "Erm, sixteen."

"I don't turn sixteen till March," Ron groaned.

Hermione laughed. "It's okay Ron; you're mature for your age."

A small voice in the back of her head said, _No he's not._

Ron turned red in the ears and Dean gazed not-so-casually down at her.

She was pleased in making him jealous, and she loved having Seamus and Ron staring at her. She loved the attention so much she was craving more.

She noticed Seamus' perfectly combed hair, and she smiled.

"You ought to do something with your hair, Seamus," she said coyly, leaning over and messing it up. "It would be sexy."

She heard Dean make a tiny cough in alarm, and she turned back to him.

"You should too," she said simply.

Ron awkwardly ran a hand through his hair and Lavender noticed.

"Your hair is perfect, Ron," she beamed.

Hermione was disgusted. Lavender had no right to tell Ron how he looked, she barely knew him.

"Oh, you know what makes me so mad?" Hermione said, looking at Lavender specifically.

"What?" Harry asked, she knew he was realizing something was going on.

"I ripped my hosiery today, see," she pulled up her skirt and put her leg on Seamus to see.

They all looked at her leg expectantly and confused.

"'Mione," Dean said. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, batting her eyes at him.

"Never mind," he grumbled.

"I'm excited for Hogsmeade weekend," Lavender said excitedly, changing the subject.

"Oh, me too," Hermione said quickly, slowly removing her leg from Seamus. "We should hang out Ron. I haven't talked to you in a long while."

"Long while my bullocks," Harry muttered.

Hermione's eyes snapped to him. Now why was he going against her?

"What?"

"You just fought with him all of vacation," Harry said.

"I know, but we haven't been talking _lately_," Hermione said snippily. "Jeez, Harry. What's gotten into you?"

Harry exchanged a look with Dean, and Hermione grumbled. She couldn't believe even _Dean_, her BOYFRIEND thought she was acting weird.

_But I kind of am. _

She shut that thought out of her brain.

"Why do you want to hang out with him anyway?" Dean asked possessively. "Hang out with me."

"You and Seamus?" she said, sounding as hopefully as possible.

_Damn, I'm shameless._

Dean blinked a few time, then stood up. "I better leave." He was clearly very upset at how she was acting.

"I'm sorry Dean; it's just so much fun with the three of us."

"Forget it," he mumbled and started off, leaving Hermione with the others.

"Hermione?" Neville squeaked, finally talking after all the silence.

"What Neville?" she said in an annoyed tone.

"Never mind," he whimpered and shrunk back, deciding to be quiet.

"Well, we should probably head back too," Ron said, standing. "We have classes soon."

Hermione could tell he just wanted to be away with Lavender, who was clearly his girlfriend. She hated Lavender, and she could only figure the reason why was because of jealousy.

She stood up with them and gave Ron a huge hug, kissing him on the cheek.

"See you later then," she said as she pulled apart.

Ron reddened in embarrassment and Lavender in anger. Lavender grabbed his hand, and she tugged him away. Hermione smiled to herself as she watched them go, and then turned back to the three boys left.

Harry was staring at her, mouth open. Neville was looking horrified, and Seamus was just staring at her in awe.

"Seamus?" she said.

"Yea?" he asked.

"Want to come help me study for my Charms test? I saw you were doing really well with the new spell, I just can't seem to get it right," Hermione said slyly.

"Hermione, you have a-" Harry started to say.

"It's just studying, Harry," Hermione shot, her eyes throwing daggers.

"It's fine, really, Harry," Seamus said, almost too anxiously.

Hermione blinked, she couldn't believe that Seamus was so calm about hanging out with her if she was dating his best friend.

_Oh well. My gain I guess_, she thought to herself.

"Alright," Harry muttered.

She left with Seamus, slipping her hand into his, and left Harry and Neville behind.

---

Lunch had been awful for Draco. His friends had been completely ignoring him or sending him dark glances. Pansy had turned everyone against him: Crabbe, Goyle, Zabini, Millicent; even Tara wasn't speaking to him.

_I wonder what she told them_, he thought, giving Pansy a death glare. He was now in his dormitory, purposefully skipping dinner, and Pansy was flirting with _some _guy that he didn't recognize.

He tore his eyes off them, and stomped his way up to his room. And as he left he heard Pansy mutter, "Draco? Oh no, we split up ages ago." _Ages? _he thought. _If a few hours was only ages…_ "He threatened me a lot; I think he might be slightly mad."

Draco slammed the door to his room. _Mad? _She thought _he_ was mad? He slammed his good hand into the wall, this time it went crashing through.

"Fuck!" he managed out in a loud gasp.He yanked his bleeding hand out, and closed his eyes.

_What was he to do now?_

Pansy hated him, his friends hated him. Even the only person who had noticed his self-infliction hated him. The Weasley wouldn't say anything to anyone...not that he wanted her to. Did he?

He shouted a string of curse words and then flopped himself onto his bed.

He hated his life, and it had never looked bleaker. There were no shining rays of light in his life, nothing but darkness. And what would happen when the Dark Lord came after him? He would die, probably by torture of some clumsy Death Eater.

He couldn't allow himself to go like that. He couldn't allow himself to go on at all anymore.

There was no point to his existence, no point at all.

_Why can't I just take it? _he asked himself. _Why can't I just take my own life? _

It would be so much simpler then having someone else do it for him. Or maybe he could go pick a fight with Potter; surely Potter could kill him if he tried hard enough.

He sighed, knowing that the great Potter could never kill anyone. The reason they couldn't, he realized about both him and Potter, was that they were afraid.

_I'm a coward, a child, a fool, _he told himself.

If he could just do it...then he wouldn't have to go on anymore. It would end all his suffering, and his inability to actually feel anything.

He clenched his teeth, telling himself to 'just fucking do it.' He retrieved his dagger from his trunk and raised it up. All it would take was a few really good slashes on his wrist. Or maybe one on his neck.

He shivered as the cool blade touched his throat. He moved it away, there was no way he could slit his throat. He moved it to his already scared wrists. Holding the dagger there, he knew he couldn't do it. He didn't have that strength. Instead, he took shallow cuts on his pale skin. Letting the pain be a reminder of everything that he couldn't accomplish.

---

Over the next two days, Dean watched in silence as Hermione started to act more and more unlike herself. Ron stopped noticing her almost altogether, except for when she ravished attention upon him, but that was not very often. He was so wrapped up in Lavender that he barely had time to notice that Hermione had changed so drastically.

But just because Ron failed to notice, didn't mean that the majority of the school did. Harry, Neville, Dean and even Seamus watched her day after day, slowly come apart – or so it seemed to them.

When anyone would ask her about it she would blow them off, or tell them off. And you never really wanted to get an earful from the brainy Hermione Granger, who was now starting to be known as the sexy annoying girl, and even the Slytherins had thrown in a few other choice words to call her.

It was Thursday, and Hogsmeade was fast approaching, and still Hermione seemed to be flirting with _every _guy.

"You look hott, Granger," Zabini remarked one day as he passed the Gryffindor table.

Hermione beamed and Dean looked at her. "Hermione, I think we need to talk."

"What about?" she asked, her eyes becoming large and innocent. "Oh, Dean! Let's go snog in the broom closet," she said quickly. "Come on."

Dean almost protested, but she tugged his hand, cutting him off from saying anything.

---

No one was looking forward to Potions on Friday, particularly because it was their last class before the weekend started.

So as all the students settled in, grimaces on their faces, and grumbling under there breath, none of them were expecting what was coming next.

"Hey, where's Malfoy?" Harry asked Ron.

Ron pulled apart from Lavender and looked over at Draco's usual spot.

"Maybe he's sick," Ron suggested, then turned back to Lavender.

Snape entered like he did every day, writing the potion ingredients on the board. But as soon as he finished, he strode into his office.

The four students who had seen him in the white dress grimaced at the memory, and tried to hurriedly start their potion to get their minds off it.

"Class!" Snape called out, coming back into the room. He looked angry, but less so than usual. "I have an announcement to make."

The class went deadly silent.

"I will be taking a short leave of absence after this weekend, due to a very special engagement I have planned," Snape remarked.

The class stared at him, curious and confused.

"Can I come out now?" they heard a muffled voice come from the office.

Snape frowned for a moment, staring at the door, then turned back to the students. "I guess you can all meet my life partner."

At the word's 'life partner' there was a murmur of whispers questioning what this meant, and the door to his office opened.

Half the students let out a huge gasp.

"Oh my," Hermione was heard whispering.

"Sweet Merlin!" said another stunned student.

There was a sharp _thud _as Neville Longbottom passed out.

Standing at the head of the class, was not any woman, but a man that looked _exactly_ like Severus Snape in every sense, except that he was wearing a long red dress and heels.

_What the hell is going on?_ Harry thought desperately. No way could there be TWO Snapes!

---

Draco was in his room, having skipped all of that day's classes. For three days straight he had been ridiculed by Pansy any moment she had the chance.

There was even word getting around that he was a manic-depressive, that he beat the girls in Slytherin. There were actually a lot of rumors, some of them true, some of them completely false. But no matter how much he denied everything the rumors just kept on coming.

He couldn't bear anything any longer. Everything was too much.

_This is it, _he told himself. _Then Pansy will know what she's done to me. They'll all know. And it'll be the first time anyone will care. _

He took his knife to his wrist, counting as he held his breath.

_4.._

_No more pain. No suffering._

_3..._

_No more hatred or rules._

_2..._

_No more fear or doubt._

_1…_

_No more anything._

_---_

_**A/N**_

_Please R&R._


	4. Blood and Questions

**Warning**: Mentions of cutting, sex, cross-dressing, and sort of slash concerning Snape's character, don't like it, don't read it.

**Ships**: Hr/DT, Hr/BZ, Hr/SF, Hr/NL, Hr/DM, Hr/RW, Hr/FW. SS/SS (more specifically Crossdressing!Snape/Potionsmaster!Snape). DM/GW. RW/LB.

**Summary**: The whole school is in an uproar when some bizarre things start to happen. Snape has been seen prancing around...in a dress. Hermione's started to act quite unlike herself, and Draco Malfoy is having a nervous breakdown. DM/GW, Hr/Boys, SS/SS

**Era**: 5th year, unrelated to the events of OOTP. Also, I decided to make Lavender like Ron earlier then 6th year.

**Genre**: Humor/Angst

**Rated**: T

**Author's Message:**

This hasn't been Beta read yet, but when they get me the chapter I'll fix it up. I've just had it for a week or so and felt like putting it up. Hope you enjoy.

**Chapter Four**

"I believe we've stunned them, Severus," Snape's counterpart said rather loudly.

"Stunned us?" shouted Dean. "Are you mental?"

"What's going on?" Ron asked. "How are there two of you..."

The Snape in a dress smiled broadly and then turned to his partner. "I'll let you take this from here." He placed a quick hand on Snape's shoulder and then went to his desk and sat behind it.

Snape turned to address the class again. "Class dismissed! Out, all of you, now!"

Every student didn't move, staring at Snape as if he had lost his mind.

"I said out!"

Everyone quickly scrambled from their seats, and as they did so they heard the man behind Snape's desk chuckle and say, "You really need to learn how to control that anger of yours, honey."

Ron, Dean and Harry supported Neville and took him out of the class as quickly as possible.

"What in the world was that about?" Hermione asked. "I mean, I've heard of using Doubling potions before. -"

"-You mean there's such a potion?" Ron said disgusted.

"Of course there is, and I'm sure Hermione is going to tell us all about it," Lavender said rudely.

"Blimey Lavender," Seamus said crossly. "You don't have to be such a bitch."

"Excuse me?" said Lavender and Dean at the same time.

Seamus frowned at Dean. "What?"

"I can't believe you're defending _my_ girlfriend," Dean snapped. "I can, you don't need to do anything."

"Aren't you going to stand up for me?" Lavender asked Ron incredulously.

"Why should he?" Hermione said bossily. "It's the truth."

"Hey! Hermione," Ron said, looking at her calmly. "Don't, okay?"

"Oh, she's not your girlfriend," Seamus huffed.

"Excuse me? I think I'd know if she was or not!" Dean yelled.

"She told me she was thinking of breaking up with you anyway."

"Seamus!" Hermione said annoyed.

"Is that true?"

"Ron, she's trying to take you from me!" Lavender muttered.

"I'm not trying to take anyone from _you_ Lavender!"

"Oh yeah?"

"IS IT TRUE?"

"OY! Everyone shut up!" Harry shouted loudly.

Neville had been abandoned in the center of the hall and everyone was circling him in their nonsense.

"Just everyone calm down, okay?" Harry said. "Hermione I think you need to deal with Dean and Seamus alone. Lavender you should go talk to Ron somewhere. And I need help getting Neville to the hospital wing."

"Come on," Dean said, eyes narrowing. He snatched Hermione's sleeve and started to drag her away. Seamus followed after trying to tell him to calm down.

Lavender folded her arms across her chest and Ron sighed.

"Alright, let's talk," Ron said, and the two left Harry all alone with Neville.

Harry looked down then back up, calling after them, "Hello? I need help here!"

But the corridor's were empty because classes weren't going to be out for another hour.

"Harry?" a soft feminine voice came behind him. "What happened?"

He turned to see Ginny coming over to him.

"Snape made an announcement to the class..." Harry started. "Neville passed out."

"Why is everyone out of class?" she asked.

"He cancelled the lesson for today. What are you doing out?" he asked her.

"I was dropping off something for McGonagall. Do you need help with him?"

"Yes, please," Harry said. "Everyone left me to go sort out their relationships."

"Relationships?" Ginny scoffed. "You guys are fifteen, what kind of relationships can you be having?"

Harry raised an eye at her as they lifted up Neville.

"Oh, that was just a crush," Ginny said lightly. "I'm over it."

"Have you talked to Hermione lately?" Harry asked more concerned.

"Not really...What's going on with her? Everyday she keeps getting more...well I hate to say this, but she's started to look like a prostitute or something," Ginny said. "What's gotten into her?"

"I have no idea," Harry shook his head. "She just keeps flirting with _everyone."_

"Even the Slytherins?"

"Even them, yes," Harry nodded. 'I caught her asking Zabini for a bite of his toast the other day."

"We really need to figure out why she's doing this," she said. "This just can't be the real her."

"We know the real Hermione," Harry said. "She's brainy and outgoing, not flirtatious, it's really starting to concern me."

They reached the door to the hospital wing and pushed it open. Inside they heard a girl sobbing and as they came in they realized it was Pansy.

"He was – he was just on the floor...Oh Gods! Is he going to be alright?" she sobbed tragically.

Both Harry and Ginny frowned, looking over to see who she was talking about. There on the bed, was a paler than usual Draco Malfoy. His wrists were slit, and he was bleeding. Pomfrey was in the process of healing them.

"Oh Merlin!" Ginny squeaked. "You don't think he..."

"Why?" Harry whispered.

As much hatred and loathing as he had for the boy, it still was shocking to see the boy in this state.

"I can't say yet," Pomfrey said. "If he survives the next few hours then I still have to get him stable. Has he eaten?"

"I don't think so," Pansy shook her head.

Neville's feet fell to the floor as Ginny let go of him. Pansy snapped her head up. Her face turned from tears to loathing in seconds flat as she advanced on them.

"You!" she screeched. "This is ALL your fault!"

Both Harry and Ginny had no idea who she was talking to, but both had there eyes widen as Pansy lunged at them.

"You deserve to die!" Pansy slapped Ginny.

"Me?" her mouth fell open as Harry held Pansy back.

"Leave her alone," he said.

Madam Pomfrey was frantically trying to take care of Draco and didn't have time to deal with them.

"What did I do?"

"If you wouldn't have wanted him so much then I wouldn't have left him!" Pansy said accusingly.

"What are you talking about?" she asked bewildered. "Have you lost your mind?"

"If he dies, it's on you!" Pansy spat. "You'll live forever with the guilt of his death, Weasley!"

Pansy pushed Harry off of herself, and stalked back to Draco's side.

Harry glanced at Ginny. "What is she talking about?"

"I don't know. I didn't even talk to him, I mean, I ran into him and I commented on his hands...Oh Merlin! His hands! Harry, they were awful looking! He's been...he's been hurting himself..." Ginny felt nausea fall over her. Why hadn't she realized it before?

"You didn't know," Harry said, calming her. "It's going to be okay, he'll be fine. Come on; let's get you out of here."

They left Neville on a bed table, and Harry steered her out of the wing.

"I can't believe he would do that to himself," Ginny whispered. "Why would he?"

Harry didn't know how to answer. "I dunno, Gin, I dunno."

---

Inside Snape's classroom, now empty of students, Snape slammed the door to his room.

"Why you would want to tell all those insufferable little brats about us is beyond me," Snape, the black robes wearing man said.

"Oh, you know their terrified little faces made your day," his counterpart cooed. "Now take a seat or something. I'm trying to plan out our weekend."

"I don't care what we do, you don't need my help."

"But I _want _it, so sit."

Snape grumbled and conjured a chair next to him. His counterpart smiled broadly and placed an arm around his shoulders, scooting him closer.

There was a soft knock on the Potion's door, and it slowly began to open.

"Severus?" Albus Dumbledore entered the room, closely followed by Minerva McGonagall.

Snape glanced at the man in the dress, then back to them. "Albus."

Albus' eyes fell onto Snape's counterpart and then back onto Snape. McGonagall instead had her eyes on his counterpart and her mouth gaping in surprise.

"Oh my," Minerva murmured. "It's true!"

"So, words gotten around already, has it?" Snape asked.

Albus had an amused look on his face as he said, "You couldn't have sent a message around the school faster, Severus."

"Hello, sir," Snape in the dress said, standing up.

"Sit down," Snape said to him.

"I'm just being polite." But he sat back down, as Snape took his hand.

"It's quite okay, Severus. I'm just curious..." Albus chucked lightly for a moment. "Is it true that you will be taking a hiatus for a marriage?"

Snape nodded. "Yes."

"Preposterous!" Minerva said rather louder than she meant to.

"Please calm yourself, Minerva," Albus said. He turned back to Snape. "But she does have a very good point Severus. I don't quite understand, how long has this been going on?"

"Long enough, headmaster," Snape said.

"Why?" Minerva again voiced aloud.

Snape glared at her.

"I don't mean to keep intruding, Severus, but she still does have quite a point. Why on earth would you marry yourself?"

Both Snape's eyed each other for a moment, and then turned back to Dumbledore.

"Because no one else good enough for me, but me," Snape responded.

"Of course," Dumbledore said, but even he sounded a bit concerned.

"Of course?" McGonagall asked. "Albus, what do –"

"We cannot control who we are attracted to," Albus said.

"Well, no, but..."

"Are your students going to be alright, Severus? I mean, are they going to come back to class without having any trauma?"

"I'm sure they'll be fine, except for Longbottom," Snape growled. "He passed out."

"As to be expected!" Minerva stated.

"The boy needs to grow a backbone," Snape said.

"I believe he's about to. Could you check the door?" Albus said with a twinkle in his eye. "I believe Mr. Longbottom has something he needs to tell us."

Minerva opened the door to find a shaking Neville pacing and pondering opening the door.

"Oh good Heavens, boy!" Minerva exclaimed. "You look ill, are you quite alright?"

Neville peered awkwardly in at her. "I-I, Madam...Ma-adam Pom...Madam Pomfrey says she has a-a student you n-need to see."

"What happened?" Albus asked calmly.

"D-Draco-"

"What about Draco?" asked Snape quickly.

"He's tried to commit s-suicide."

All three teachers and Snape's counterpart quickly headed for the door, heading straight towards the hospital wing.

---

The next morning, everyone knew of Draco Malfoy's attempt at suicide, and they knew of Snape's "life-partner" fiasco in Potions. What was appalling the most to Ginny as she sat at the breakfast table listening to the rumors, was that people had been combining the two stories. They had been saying Draco had attempted suicide because Snape had refused him having already fallen in love with himself.

"I can't believe what they're saying," Ginny murmured to Harry.

He nodded, almost as upset. "Don't listen to it, Ginny."

"Are you two going to Hogsmeade?" Hermione asked as she came up to them.

The two looked up at her too see her in a very short skirt, and cropped top.

"Merlin, Hermione!" Ginny said overwhelmed. "What are you wearing?"

"Isn't it lovely? I borrowed it from a girl in Slytherin," she said, sitting down. "So, are you going?"

"No, I'm not going," Ginny said.

"Neither am I," Harry said. "I have an essay to work on."

"Is Ron going with Lavender?" Hermione asked.

It had also become common knowledge that Hermione had broken up with Dean. And it seemed to be intriguing a lot of the male population at the school.

"Yes," Harry said. "Who are you going with?"

"No one," Hermione shrugged. "I'm just going to have fun."

"You better be careful in that outfit, Hermione," Ginny muttered.

"I can take care of myself," she snapped. "Thanks for your concern." Hermione stormed off, her now straight hair flying wildly behind her.

Harry took a deep sigh as Fred and George sat down after her. Now that it was their last year, the twins were causing as much trouble as possible; Harry was concerned for what they were up to today.

"What's with Hermione?" Fred asked them.

"Has she finally lost it?" George asked.

"I have no idea what's going on with her," Harry said. "She's definitely lost."

"Maybe you two can keep an eye on her?" Ginny asked hopefully. "I'm worried that someone might try something."

"Well, looking like that you can't blame them," George muttered.

Fred suppressed a laugh as Ginny lashed out at them.

"You two –"

"Don't worry, Gin. We'll watch out for her," Fred said.

"Thank you," Ginny said satisfied.

The twins took off towards the grounds and Ginny sighed in relief. Now at least Hermione had someone to protect her in her insanity.

---

Entering Hogsmeade Hermione found Seamus waiting for her.

"Hey," he said. "How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

She was surprised that he still wanted her even after Dean. _Am I that big of a hit? _she pondered. _Amazing._

"Great! Care to get some tea with me?"

"What about Dean?"

"Dean stayed at Hogwarts. He's very bitter, but he'll get over it," Seamus said shrugging. "Come on."

"Sounds great." Hermione smiled.

Seamus took her hand, and he led her to a nearby pub. As they entered and ordered two teas and sat themselves at the bar.

"So, Hermione," Seamus said. "What has gotten into you lately?"

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"I dunno, you're just, acting so different."

"Do you like it?"

Seamus laughed. "Sure, I guess. It's just weird for you."

"Well, if you like it then don't worry about it."

Seamus nodded, and they took their teas, deciding to walk around with them. The air outside was warm, but slightly chilly for someone wearing almost nothing. Hermione shivered slightly, but Seamus failed to notice. However, someone else watching them did notice.

"Care for a jacket, gorgeous?" came Blaise Zabini's voice.

Hermione turned surprised, and then smiled brightly. "Sure, thank you. That's so very sweet of you."

Seamus grimaced as Hermione took his jacket.

"How's that tea?" Blaise asked, as if mocking them.

"Quite nice, go away Zabini," Seamus hissed.

"Oh, Seamus, calm down," Hermione said dismissively.

"Calm down?" Seamus asked bewildered.

"Yeah, you've caught yourself quite the babe, you don't want to go and ruin your chances, do you?" Blaise said, eyes watching her.

Hermione giggled, blushing furiously.

Seamus stared at her and threw up his hands. "You know what? Dean was right. I don't want to deal with this."

He stalked off, leaving the two behind. Only, Blaise was watching with amusement.

"I think you've upset him, love," Blaise joked.

"Me?" Hermione said. "You offered your jacket."

"You accepted," Blaise smirked. "Care to walk with me?"

"Sure, I'd love to," she said.

The two began to walk, discussing things they saw in shops. All the while Blaise's eyes never seemed to leave her face or body. Letting her do most of the talking, which was easy enough for her.

"I don't understand the point of them, really. I have about fifteen of them, all from Ron for my birthday."

"Yeah, I've received a few before too. Hey what do you say to a walk up towards the Shrieking Shack?"

From behind, Fred and George stomped up, making as much noise as possible, they scooped both her arms into theirs and began to drag her off.

"Thanks Zabini! We've been looking for her everywhere," George shouted.

"Don't worry about us; we're just going to be leaving now!" Fred said.

"What are you two doing? Unhand me!" Hermione struggled.

"Let her go," Blaise demanded, going after them.

They stopped and swiveled around with Hermione still on their arms.

"We have to talk to her," Fred said. "Go away."

"I believe she doesn't want to talk to you."

"Oh on the contrary, she doesn't know it, but she _really _doesn't want to talk to you," Fred snapped.

"Lemme go, guys!" Hermione said. "I can handle myself. Blaise and I were just talking."

"'Just talking' doesn't exist in the Slytherin vocabulary, Hermione," George said.

"Honestly, what do you think is going to happen?" Fred asked.

"Nothing that I don't want to happen," Hermione said, prying her arms loose from them. "Leave me the hell alone!"

The twins stared after her, shocked to hear the curse word coming form her mouth.

"Blimey," Fred muttered.

"I don't think we can do anything more," George said sighing.

"I hope she knows what she's doing."

Hermione and Blaise headed up towards the shrieking shack, leaving Fred and George behind.

"I can't believe they did that," Hermione said annoyed.

"It's because they're jealous," Blaise said smugly. "But what they don't know is I'll be the best you'll ever get." He paused. "And you're too beautiful for me to pass up."

She blushed furiously again and he rubbed a soft hand down her chin.

"Come on," he said. "Let's go have some fun."

He led her towards the Shrieking Shack, and she knew immediately that he wanted to go in.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Hermione asked.

They were sneaking beyond the warded off area, and heading towards an open window.

"Trust me," Blaise said. "Nobody is in here. And as far as I know, I've never found any ghouls inside."

"Yes, but..." Hermione muttered as Blaise stepped in through the window.

"Come on," Blaise said, his voice fading deeper into the house.

_Do you really want to go in there?_

She pondered her options and weighed the outcomes. She knew perfectly well what Blaise was after, or even if it was just a taste of what he was after... but was she ready for that?

_You've made it this far, haven't you? You can fend him off if you need to...What does it matter anyway? You want him, he wants you...What are you fighting?_

Hermione took a deep breath, smiled to herself for assurance, and then stepped in through the window. Blaise was nowhere to be found.

"Blaise?" she called. There was no response. She started through the old shack, looking for him. Everything inside was falling apart, and old, and dusty.

She moved towards another room and she gave a loud shriek as Blaise came out from the shadows and pulled her into a room. It was an old bedroom, poorly furnished, but a bedroom none-the-less. Blaise was grinning broadly and she looked up at him. Yepp, she knew exactly what he was after.

He kissed her, hard and passionately, drawing her head towards his. And she followed through, kissing him deeply. Kissing him was quite unlike kissing Krum and Dean. It was more, well...exciting.

Blaise took her arms and pushed her towards the bed.

_This is it_, she thought. This was the last chance she had to tell him to stop. But madness and passion over took her, and instead, she wrapped her legs around Zabini. She kissed him furiously. He backed into a wall, holding her closer, and kissing and nipping her neck with his teeth. They moved towards the bed, and as they reached it, both fell back onto it.

Blaise was straddling her, but her domineering side took over, she flipped him over and he laughed greatly amused. She chuckled and the two kissed again, stripping clothing wildly as they went.

---

**A/N **

Please R&R.**  
**


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